No, this post has nothing to do with movies, or videogames, or anything ‘fun’ at all.

Sorry I just needed to get that out there, right off the bat. What this post DOES have to do with, is me. It’s a way for me to let everyone (i.e. whoever actually reads this) to know what I’ve been going through lately.

About 3 weeks ago, I suffered what is commonly known as a panic attack, or what I would like to refer to as… a complete nervous breakdown. I was at work, and after eating a very mediocre microwaved lunch at my desk, I was suddenly overcome with a slight sense of dread and tension… however the more I thought about it, the worse it became.

I took a walk around the building outside for a few minutes, but it didn’t seem to subside and after speaking with my wife for what seemed like an hour on the phone (it was more like 5 minutes), I broke down and suffered what was probably the most terrifying experience of my life. The specifics are very difficult to describe, but the only way I can imagine explaining it, is this = Imagine you are in a plane, and the pilot alerts you that you are going to crash, and you KNOW you will die, however you have no idea how long it will take, how horrible it will be when you crash, what everything will look like around you as you inevitably die, etc.

Now, imagine you are talking with your wife on a cellphone, in an office parking lot… experiencing those exact feelings and sensations. Make any sense? Of course not… but that’s what I went through.

I’ve since experienced two very similar, but much more mild ‘episodes’ but they are no less scary. I am now on medication, which isn’t what I wanted, but if it will help me figure out a way to handle the day to day stress that I’ve been dealing with for years, then great.

Anyways, the Christmas holidays have been the perfect time to try to unwind and relax, however I’ve had a cold for the last 5 days. Lucky me! Also, my wife and I spent Christmas dinner in the Emergency Room with our 1 year old who was (and still is) suffering from Croup. I need to look on the bright side of things I know, but it’s really hard sometimes.

I will begin by saying I love my daughter… more than anything else on the planet (sorry Tiff!). Please remember that, as you may think otherwise after reading my rants below. No matter what I say though, it will not change how I feel about her, and how much I love her.

It’s been just over 7 months since the world was greeted with her arrival. Well, in truly living, breathing and…. screaming… form anyways. Since then, our lives have changed in ways that I never imagined, because no matter what you’re doing, no matter what time of day, she comes first.

Only had 4 hours of sleep? It’s 4:30am and she is ready to party? Deal with it.

Do you just want to sit down and have a quiet meal together with your wife? Good luck.

Ahh… it’s 9pm and she just went to sleep. Time to watch some….. oh wait, she’s up AGAIN…. for 2 more hours!

I could go on for hours, but the fact of the matter is, I wouldn’t give her up for anything, whatsoever. After all of the whining, complaining and grizzling… it just takes one quick smile to make none of it matter. In many of life’s experiences, the ‘bad’ aspects generally overtake the ‘good’. However, she is the first part of my life that I can definitely say is the opposite.

(NOTE : I really need to mention, Tiff has been incredible and has taken care of nearly all nightly feedings, looking after her during the day, and has been the one “dealing with” almost everything.)

So… she’s on her way!

Baby time approaches, as wifey’s induction date is Wednesday @7:30am (ok, so not exactly 24 hours… shut up).

Emotions running through my mind are as to be expected by a new father I suppose.  At one moment, I’m anxious, nervous and scared… then the next moment… I’m excited, thrilled and…. well… scared again.  Hell, I’m going to responsible for a human.  ME!  The guy who’s idea of a good night is a game of video games, a room full of friends and a case of moosehead.

I don’t really expect my life to change drastically, but my priorities will change… I’m certain of that.

My child will be #1 no matter what.  I am completely happy with this arrangement and even though she isn’t even here yet… I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world.

So… for the last year or so, I’ve been running this website.  I’ve had ads showing up to the right, pretty much the whole time. The way Google Adsense works (which is the service I use), is they take the content from the site, and serve up ads based on what I’m prattling on about.

The weirdest thing, is that basement leaks, and basement leak prevention are always high on the list.  This has quite a lot to do with my domain name, page title, among other things. This hit close to home very recently however, as during a torrential rainfall, my basement quickly started to receive what could only be described as a horrific dripping noise behind the wall.  

This dripping slowly became a steady pour… which became a full on dousing.

The point to this story?  None really, just that ‘A Guy In His Basement’ was supposed to denote a rather nerdy man who dwells in his basement, presumably playing video games, watching movies, spending WAY too much time on a computer, and not too much else.  NOT a website sharing information on rectifying basement leaking issues.  Se la vie!

So tonight during dinner with Tiff… we were discussing the gruesome truths that come with childbirth. These mainly pertain to the various bodily fluids that are being generated in vast quantities, escaping from her body in one way or another.

While my stomach is normally iron clad when it comes to “the bloody stuff”, a wave of uneasiness came over me during this particular discussion. Perhaps it was the 60+ mussels I’d JUST eaten, perhaps it was the amount of the bill for our dinner, perhaps it was a combination of a few things.

Tiff asked me “Are you going to be ok in the delivery room?”.

Being a man, I replied “Pffft… of course.” , as my face remained grey and nausea came in waves.

It worried me for a moment, as I asked myself if I WOULD be ok.  The bizarre truth (ok, very bizarre), is that I imagine myself going through the same torment that Tiff will likely have to endure. The thought of an alien lifeform (and trust me, they look like aliens… I’ve seen the ultrasound pics) writhing around in a sac attached to my innards, makes me queasy. To make things worse, this lifeform forces itself through a passageway that needs to RESHAPE itself in order for the being to pass through.

Ok… I’ve gone too far.  *ahem*

To summarize… Tiff is incredibly strong and amazing for having carried our unborn child around for 9 months and will display even more strength during what will hopefully be a short and (relatively) pain free childbirth.